How to practice self-compassion: Evidence-based techniques

By Joshua Santin- Psychologist

Self-compassion is a skill that can be learned. Research on neuroplasticity shows that brains are changeable. You can create new, more compassionate neural pathways with practice.

Foundational practice: Soothing rhythm breathing

Before exploring other techniques, it helps to have a practice that calms your nervous system.

How to practice:

1. Find a comfortable position
2. Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4-5 seconds
3. Breathe out slowly through your mouth for 4-5 seconds
4. Make your breathing slow, smooth, and steady
5. Imagine warmth flowing through your body
6. Practice for 3-5 minutes

Why it works: Slow, rhythmic breathing signals to your brain that you’re safe, helping deactivate the threat system.

The self-compassion break (Dr. Kristin Neff)

This versatile practice takes less than a minute and you can use it throughout the day whenever you’re struggling.

How to practice:

Think of a difficult situation. Notice the stress in your body.

Step 1: Mindfulness – Acknowledge your suffering

• “This is a moment of suffering”
• “This hurts”
• “This is really difficult right now”

Step 2: Common humanity – You’re not alone

• “Suffering is part of life”
• “Other people feel this way”
• “This is a human experience”

Step 3: Self-kindness – Offer yourself compassion

Place your hands over your heart. Feel the warmth and gentle pressure.

Then say:

• “May I be kind to myself”
• “May I give myself the compassion I need”
• “May I be patient with myself”

Or ask yourself: “What do I need to hear right now?” and offer yourself those words.

When to use it: Anytime you’re struggling, made a mistake, feeling overwhelmed, or experiencing difficult emotions.

Compassionate imagery: Building an inner safe place

Compassionate imagery uses your imagination to create experiences of warmth and safety.

Creating a compassionate colour:

1. Close your eyes and bring to mind warmth, safeness, and kindness
2. Imagine a colour that represents these qualities
3. As you breathe in, imagine breathing in this colour
4. Let it fill your body with warmth
5. Practice for 3-5 minutes

Changing your inner voice: Compassionate thought records

This technique comes from Compassionate Mind Training developed by Professor Paul Gilbert.

Before you start: Practice soothing rhythm breathing first. Approach this with curiosity, not criticism.

The process:

1. Identify the trigger: What situation sparked the self-criticism?
2. Notice the self-critical thought: What is your inner critic saying?
3. Recognise the feeling: What emotion accompanies this thought?
4. Ask: What is the self-critic trying to do? Often it’s trying to protect you.
5. Generate a compassionate response: If a good friend came to you with this exact struggle, what would you say?
6. Create a compassionate action: What would be a wise, kind next step?

Example:

• Trigger: Made a mistake in a work presentation
• Self-critical thought: “I’m so incompetent”
• Feeling: Shame, anxiety
• Compassionate response: “I made one mistake in a 30-minute presentation. That doesn’t make me incompetent. Everyone makes mistakes.”
• Compassionate action: “I’ll note what I’d do differently, then let it go”

Mindfulness technique: Cognitive defusion

Cognitive defusion helps you recognise that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts.

The core technique:

Instead of: “I’m a failure” Try: “I’m having the thought that I’m a failure”

This small shift creates psychological distance. You’re observing the thought as a mental event, not believing it’s a fact about you.

Other practices:

• Leaves on a stream: Imagine thoughts written on leaves floating past
• Thank your mind: “Thanks mind for that thought”

Research shows defusion reduces the emotional discomfort and believability of negative thoughts.

Which technique should you use?

Start with the Self-Compassion Break. It’s simple, quick, and integrates all components of self-compassion. Practice it daily for at least two weeks.

Once that feels familiar, add one other technique that resonates. There’s no hierarchy. The “best” technique is the one you’ll actually practice consistently.

At Seed Psychology, we help clients develop personalised self-compassion practices that work for their specific needs and circumstances.